I've only attended the one comic-book convention in my life so far: OzCon 1996, in my hometown of Melbourne. And maybe it's just as well, if what I saw and participated in is anything to go by.

You see, up until that point, I was a full-fledged slavering fanboy. I visited my local comic store several times a week (once simply wasn't enough), and was writing for various fanzines on comics and related matters. This was the first time, to my knowledge, that such a convention was staged - over a weekend - in Melbourne (it was usually run in Sydney up until that point). Given the fanboy that I was then, I looked forward to it with something approaching religious fervour.

Little did I know that my inner fanboy would sustain grievous bodily harm that weekend.

The international guest list was nothing to sneeze at, to be sure: the likes of Dave Sim, Garth Ennis and Jamie Delano were flown in, while Eddie Campbell made the trip from up north. Admittedly, Ennis was the creator whom I most wanted to see, as PREACHER had recently debuted to wide acclaim, and HITMAN was just about to launch; to this little fanboy, it was a Big Deal. Panels were scheduled with the aforementioned guests, and I did my best to attend - with varying degrees of success.

'Until that point, I was a full-fledged slavering fanboy.' Delano's was the first panel I went to, and to say that it was sparsely attended is being kind; there were maybe a dozen people, all told - Delano and myself included.

Delano appeared vaguely bemused at having to front up to such a small crowd, and presented himself well - articulate and thoughtful, if a little standoffish. As you'd expect, many of the questions were about his work on HELLBLAZER (which I was greatly enamoured of) and ANIMAL MAN. I asked him a question about a story he'd written for BATMAN: LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT. (The story was 'Terminus', which featured a sentient hotel.)

Specifically, I asked, "Where did you get your idea from?"

Delano replied, with obvious distaste, that it had come "bubbling out of the depths of my subconscious". I felt I'd asked such an idiotic question that I wanted a hole to open up in the con floor and swallow me.

Not long after, the first of the day's signings took place, with Delano and Ennis taking the floor at the same time. Ennis was affable and easygoing, willing to chat (with that unmistakable Irish brogue) to any and all within earshot. Not that I said much to him, though; I was so excited, I could barely stammer out a 'hello'.

I think he was grateful that I only had the one book for him to autograph (along with a HITMAN promo poster), as the guy behind me had all extant issues of PREACHER at that point for Ennis to sign. Worse, this guy took a particular glee in telling Ennis that he would duly sell those issues for a high mark-up. He made me ashamed for my species. Ennis, to his credit, simply smiled and nodded; I envied his patience.

'The fanboy in me was surely stricken with a terminal case of cancer.' I crept in late to Dave Sim's panel like a truant schoolboy, and took a seat at the front. Sim was already in full flight, orating and gesticulating, with those present hanging on his every word. A lot of the questions were about CEREBUS - naturally - and working in the small press. When he asked for one last question, I put my hand up and ask him about something that was big news in comics at that time:

Marvel's 'Heroes Reborn' project.

Sim proceeded to enter into a ten-minute diatribe about how the whole thing was merely a tax break for the creators involved, and that they should be ashamed of themselves for going back to work-for-hire, rant yadda blah. By the time he was done, he looked absolutely spent, and slunk out the room with nary a word. Everybody else in the room gave me daggers for daring to ask such a nerdy mainstream question of the great man of indie publishing...

If the fanboy in me didn't entirely die that day, he was surely stricken with a terminal case of cancer.

At the height of the afternoon, the OzCon Awards were held. Sim co-hosted with Eddie Campbell, and it played out along similar lines to other comics awards: favourite character, writer, artist, et al.

CONVENTIONAL WISDOM

Alistair Kennedy joins the masquerade.

Frank Smith encounters the Unknown Creator.

Plus, Andrew Wheeler reflects on San Diego 2003. Marvel Comics, with a complete lack of surprise, won Best Publisher. The award was collected by some guy - I think he was in charge of local distribution, I honestly can't recall - who made some song and dance about how grateful he was that the fans supported Marvel at the local level, and that the best was yet to come. (It should be pointed out that Marvel no longer distributes comics through Australian newsagents, so his definition of 'best' is open to interpretation.)

My one regret about OzCon 1996 was not getting to talk to Eddie Campbell, but that was probably just as well, because although he came across as approachable and cheerfully gregarious, I'm sure I would have come up with something stupid to say if I'd spoken to him.

The last thing I remember about the con was spotting Sim outside as I was leaving, puffing away madly on a cigarette like it was life itself. I thought that maybe I should try to redeem myself by asking another question, but I decided it was probably best to leave him alone. It had no doubt been a long day for all concerned, and my ailing inner fanboy had been exposed to enough cancer-causing agents for one day.

Brent Keane is a regular contributor to Ninth Art and PopImage and has also written for Opi8, Sequential Tart and Nerdbait.

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